You, In Glass Houses March 26, 2012

I sensed the judgment in their eyes,
Digging into my soul,
Attempting to know who I was.
The tone in which they spoke of me,
Claiming to know my truth.
I never before questioned their intentions,
Yet now I evaluated each relationship.
Did they speak of my tears,
Of the coldness my heart learned to call home,
Did ever they wonder why my life seemed so perfect,
What I may have been hiding beneath 320 pounds?
In denial I found comfort,
Familiarity,
Connection,
Eventually it led me to darkness.
As I stepped into the light,
My eyes were opened,
I wasn’t happy.
How masterfully I had fooled them,
Shocked them with the word divorce.
Nonetheless, I cried,
Alone,
Forgotten,
Betrayed,
And judged.

© LRB 2012

All I Need March 24, 2012

Breathing you into my lungs
Filling my soul with your life
Your passion, your trust.

Steadily falling deeper
Sharing my every thought
Smiling as you listen.

Preparing my heart for risk
Singing into the future
Love is all I need.

© LRB 2012

Heartbroken March 12, 2012

Truly…
Am I not worth a love note, flowers, or a simple yet sentimental gift?
Do I not deserve you going out of your way to involve yourself in my life?
I know you love another more and with each strike against my heart, I close up, pull away, delve deeper into emptiness.
All I’ve done, even for a stranger,
All I’ve shared, more with you than any other,
All I’ve sacrificed to show my love, what actions have you taken?
Do I know you love me? If I listen to your words.
I’m tired of feeling unimportant to those I love the most.
I hurt most of the time yet my cries and pleas go unnoticed, draw not a single care from you.
Why must I work so hard to make you love me?
Why does it hurt so bad when I know you never will?

© LRS March 12, 2012

just another day

the calming sounds of my cries, more familiar than those of my laughter,
this sadness, attached to my soul, sinks me deeper into the world,
heavy, daunting; i’m so scared for tomorrow.

 

a most common prayer these days,
Father, please, bring me home,
i’m tired, i’m finished, i’m ready.

 

so far from everything i’ve ever known,
i can’t remember what happiness feels like,
unable to even recognize it in others.

 

the shattering of my heart, with every beat,
seeps out of my eyes,
into a pool of guilt, anger, loneliness.

 

the heaviness of this sorrow is winning,
i surrender, i give in,
i’m not strong enough to carry on.

 

many years of hiding pain,
abandonment,
my inability to trust.

 

waves crash over my head; i can’t catch my breath,
deadening silence fuels my despair,
and all i dream about is sleeping… forever.

 

© LRS  March 12, 2012

 

The Life I Breathe March 4, 2012

Hold me close, I whispered
See my beauty, I hoped
Love me endlessly, I prayed

I saw between us all that could be,
A hopeful dreamer or realistic visions of love,
Only time would tell

I thought of him, of life alongside him,
The warmth of happiness filled my empty heart,
I fought to rest this jaded soul

Deserving of truth, I questioned my intentions
To know freedom, to exist in peace, to live with passion,
A day, one single day, each day, every day, we love in hope

Time tip-toed by, taunting my angst
Patience nourished my body, quieted my thoughts,
All I obsessed over was his touch

A cry I never saw yet heard, accepted into his trust,
Anger too ashamed to release,
The rage of jealousy shook my every step

Confusion set in on the clearest of nights,
Rattled, not beaten, I dusted off the hurts,
Prepared myself for the insane ride this bond would endure

© LRS 2012

Adorned March 3, 2012

Paper made love notes, kisses of sweet rhyme
Bouquets scented with lilies, romantic trips sprinkled in wine
To be cherished by his eyes and read between every line
His hands through my hair and wiping tears from green cries
Knowing what I want, most importantly what I need
Fulfilling every dream, adorned I shall be

© LRS 2012

Eyes that Sparkled

A simple glance and he captured my breath
I walked quickly to save my soul from being next
Am I open to being vulnerable, allowing my heart to freely love
Old demons come to haunt me, giving my heart strings one final tug
A smile, so tender, honest, and pure
I fought with laughter, played with my fear
That moment shared, between two strangers remained
A greater gift of security, enlightened and enflamed

© LRS 2012