Vision blurred
Steps shaky
Unable to determine my next move
Violently aware of my desires
Lacking the ability to make a decision
I sat in torment
Experienced the best of both worlds
From opposite ends of the spectrum
Pleasantly surprised to be craved
That night I found control
I owned power over my fantasies
Together we moaned with passion as I bled
The blood, a reminder of both pleasure and pain
© LRS 2011
Locked up
behind doors in my mind.
Mountains of thoughts
built up over time
waiting patiently
to be climbed,
overcome,
to crumble with confidence.
In favor of my heart
I tightly close my eyes
refuse to see anything
other than love.
Like stones loosening at the base
my emotions drift off
break free from their foundation
become their own.
I’ve been given a second chance
a rare opportunity to connect
never contemplating the risks
I free fall from
the highest point of my thoughts
and wait to be caught.
Soaring above my body
looking over all aspects of life
I find true love.
Slowly
I may be ready to open the doors
one
easy turn of the knob
at a time.
© LRS 2011
questioning
all i knew as truth
under the influence of one
transformed
into everything i once believed
was wrong
if this is me
how can i fight it?
not sure i belong here
running
towards rastafari
hands in the air
waving my white flag
i surrendered
my soul now aches
stalk me
cover me in your passion
with all of you
nothing is ever enough
all i ever crave is
more
caught
in a whirlwind
chaotic thoughts
stable
in one moment
clinically ill
the next
nobody will ever understand
for i am utterly confused
grateful
i still feel something
not yet numb
just waiting…
for
death
© LRS 2011
Nothing more satisfying
Than his touch
I tingle in anticipation.
To feel him
Wrapped all around me
Means one more day of life.
Breathing him into my lungs
Trapped beneath my breasts
Where I shall secure him forever.
© LRS 2011
If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.
If…
Only if…
I could be someone
Other than me.
So disappointed
In what I’ve become
With the mistakes I’ve made
Disgusted
With the regret I feel.
If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.
If…
Only if…
I could feel something
Other than heartache.
Tired of hurting
Tired of crying
Tired of my protests
Falling on deaf ears.
If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.
If…
Only if…
I could be saved
Redeemed for my sins.
I can do this
I must press on
Gather my strength
Forward ever,
Backward never.
© LRS 2011
empty
in this oversized casing
dragging this body
around corners
through doors
looking for happiness
with my own reflection
unable to identify
the true meaning of beauty
nor do i see beauty
amongst the sway of this flesh
breasts too small
skin too scarred
teeth too crooked
whoever finds beauty in this body
has yet to see it nude
free from editing
it is more than flawed
disappointing
disgusting
damaged
placing one foot
in front of the other
searching for comfort
with what i’ve been given
a body
i will
never
accept
© LRS 2011
What do I want?
What do I imagine?
Horror plagues your face
As the answers spill
From these troubled lips
So pure?
So righteous?
Allow me to introduce myself
Sick in depth
Beyond repair
A one way ticket to hell
Not sure I want to make the trip back
Another plight into lust
Snatched up without a fight
I practically begged
You wish
To be in my presence
Bathe in my light
Yet, I’m sure
Disappointment is all I’ll cause
Touch with one finger
Then retract into your fantasy
I won’t taste sweet
I won’t smell of love
I’ll sag and sway and disgust you away
Please stop
Turn around
Run deep into her arms
Where you belong
Remember me no more
After all
I am meant for another
One stroke at a time
I free you
From my grip
© LRS 2011
Chills grow on this flesh
From the cold air of night,
Darks of the rounds
Power through with might,
A faint strumming echoes in the distance
Tickles these ears with promise,
It’s a fight. Fight. Fight.
Strong on a day
Filled with gray
Never-ending pleasure in sight,
Coffee grounds
Webbed in between toes
Black, so black it’s light,
Growing with angst
Sleep in this place
Wake up here flawless,
It’s what’s right. Right. Right.
© LRS 2011
I purge you
From my heart
From my mind
I vomit thoughts of you
Your name
The sound of your voice
From my belly walls
Out into the street
I suffocate
Smother your scent
From my nostrils
Breathe you out
From my soul
I flush you
Cast you into the dark sea
So you can never control me again
I slap your face
With spikes in my hand
I mutilate you
Smash your head into the gravel
Watch your flesh bleed out
Turn blue
Turn white
Smile,
As creatures of the night feast on your body
Just as leaves blow in the autumn air
So do my cares for you
I separate from you
Drain my warmth out onto another
My eyes wide open
My heart closed up
Hard pressed
Guilt ridden
Soaked in grease, I slipped
I gather what’s left
Douse you in gasoline
Light a match
The same match I’ll use to burn my flesh
Scar my skin
To match my heart
Use my wetness to put out the flames
Stroked
Twisted
Caught dead in the middle of the day
Draw your pain on my feet
Step into the lake and wash your hurt away
The water turns black
Stained by your struggle
Gruesome and proud
I am not your savior
No appetite
I feed on your retinas
No thirst
I drink your juices
Not tired
I sleep amongst your remains
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
© LRS 2011
Tick
Tock,
I wait.
Linger around
Hold onto your words
Marinate in your love.
Tick
Tock,
I smile.
Kiss your neck
Study your nature
Fancy my self with thoughts.
Tick
Tock,
I act.
Play the role
Fulfill your desires
Welcome you to my world.
Tick
Tock,
I dream.
Without hesitation
The tingle of feverish passion
Overtakes my night.
Tick
Tock,
I wait.
© LRS 2011
Lost, abandoned by selfish family
She saw him
Thick curls warmed his neck
Brown framed his face
A tall, thin, hardened boy
The pain of seclusion leaked from his heavy eyes
When he said I love you
Her heart filled with acceptance
When she felt his puckered lips
Pressed against her natural breasts
She filled with warm, rich pleasure
The sweet sensation of his gentle touch
Deep within
Hurt her courageous bones with joy
She didn’t want to part from him
She wouldn’t ever give him the chance to forget her
Stay around
Stay with me
Her heart constricted with pure agony
With each passing city
The distance between their souls
Grew more and more
She felt his love slipping right through her wet fingertips
She never intended to leave
She lay there, aloof
Staring at his masculine image
Pretending they were still together
Tormented by fate
A master at running away
She bid adieu
Their love will pullulate forever
© LRS 2011
Loving you comes so easy
So sweet
So thoughtful
So gentle
Move towards me
So slowly
Let me
Ease your stress
Don’t miss me
Stay here
With me
Never leave my heart
I’ve listened to you
Everyday
Still my feelings
They’re hard to convey
Give me what I deserve
I’ll never allow anything less
Did you hear what I said?
Do you still love me?
Walk along the beach
Call out to me
I shall hear you over the seas
Love you
All I do…
Love you
All I see…
Love you
Whatever it takes
I know you’ll pull through
I now believe
You love me too
© LRS 2011
I write,
Even though I know
No one is reading,
Because it’s healing…
For me.
If any reason
Is good enough,
I am.
Alone
Braless
Vulnerable,
Loving my self
More than I loved you.
Patient
Capable
Willing,
Desperately necessary
Handle with care.
In one instance
We tainted everything
For better or worse?
I’m not sure.
Do I wish
To go back in time
Take back that moment?
Sometimes…
Mostly.
Slowly,
I am opening my heart
Yet again, to you,
Although you still
Remain nameless
In my phone book.
This time
You’ll need to
Earn
Your spot.
Knowing you may
Glance my way
Encourages me to
Strive,
Work harder
Be smarter
Aim higher.
Perhaps my sparkle
Will capture your heart
Once and for all.
Finally at peace
I see what you see,
I no longer require
Your validation to thrive.
I am
And forever shall be
Wonderfully made.
Now, I wait for sleep
To overtake my mind
My body,
Where hopefully
My dreams
Will be less disappointing than
My reality.
© LRS 2011
Evil doer
You attempted to lead me astray,
You are the liar
You are the denier
A false prophet,
You did not withstand my tests.
My fears
Have been driven out
By perfect love,
The one who is in me
Is greater
Than the one who is in the world.
Lost
In lawlessness
You remain
In death,
A murderer
Outside of eternal life.
I carry with me
The spirit of truth
I am in chains for Christ,
Victory will be mine
Born of God
I will overcome the world.
Insist my truth is stupid
Not to worry, boy
I have faith
My ‘stupidity’
Will last for eternity.
I am not surprised
That the world
Hates me,
For I have passed
From death
To life.
Love me as I loved you
Not with words
Instead,
With actions
And in truth.
I didn’t know where I was going
The darkness
Had blinded me,
Not everything of the world
Comes from
The Father.
© LRS 2011
Sick to my stomach
Disgusted to say the least
I will not keep company in your filth.
-
You don’t understand what you’ve lost
What you have chased away.
All that could have been yours
Will go to someone else.
I know you don’t care now,
But someday you will.
I hope then you will make amends,
Rebuild relationships.
-
So easily you threw away
Such precious bonds
Gifts, from God,
Which are not promised to be here when you’re ready,
Selfish boy.
-
You cannot understand the magnitude
Of how you have forever killed a piece of me.
My soul, still connected to yours,
Will always be tainted by your
Vicious attempts to murder my affection.
-
Offered so much,
You violently turned your back on us.
Overpowered by self-hate,
You denied yourself a chance at real relationships
Outside of your selfish desires.
-
Consumed by the past
Haunted by loveless beings
You fought against the wrong force.
Pressed hard, away from love,
Instead of protecting yourself from thieves
Nagging at your soul.
You gave in, gave up, put up no fight.
With each passing day,
You allowed them to steal love from your grasp.
-
Refusing to see what you see
You cannot learn what is quite obvious.
Your doubt and hate
Keep you from experiencing our love.
-
I’m out. I’m done.
My heart is closed.
If you change your ways
I may allow you another glance.
Until then,
Keep Out.
-
© LRS 2011
Skilled
At what you do
Years in production
Practice doesn’t make perfect
You are a natural.
Little of your effort
It takes
To master this art.
Not much forethought
Goes into preparation
A true talent
That has become you.
-
Dark eyes
An honest smile
Young and overlooked
Who was your first?
Did they see you?
Were your skills valued?
Perhaps they were
Too self-absorbed
Too ignorant
To cherish your special gift.
-
I realized
Rather quickly
You chose me
To receive your truth
I never had a chance.
To escape your passion
Meant
Turning my back
On myself
Something you knew
I would never do.
-
You held on tight
Called out to me
Knowing I was listening
Waiting for your world
To become
My own.
When you reached
For my hand
There was no going back.
I agreed
To take that trip
With you
Promised
It wasn’t fantasy
I knew the reality.
You undressed me
With your words
You borrowed my spirit
Made all the right plays.
Outside of myself
I watched you
You led the orchestra
Of my heart
Into a symphony
Of cohesive harmonies.
-
Accepting this you
Is foolish of me
I know your art
Will always be
Your first love.
A willing victim
Living in your castle
I believe you
Killing myself
One word at a time.
I sacrifice
For the better of you
Someday you’ll see
I gave you strength
It was me
Who empowered you
I’ll take your shame
Discharge your guilt
Onto my shoulders.
Continue to build
Your character of talent
Fine tune your masterpiece
Together we’ll live
In your vision
Me
An enthusiast
You
A beautiful liar.
-
© LRS 2011
Allay and subtle
She writes with certainty.
Dedicated and adoring
She protects her soul,
One step at a time.
She evaluates life
Past experiences
Religious ideals
… herself.
She has yet to discover
The remarkable woman within.
Pleasing to God
Gentle in spirit
Blinding beauty exudes,
One step at a time.
Blessed to know her, am I.
As I read her words
Direct and influential
She unlocks my enthusiasm for Christ.
Grace and dignity
She owns.
Obedience and justice
She adheres to,
One step at a time.
Open to learning
Guided by God
Fear does not seize her.
Silently judged
She desires to break away
A healthy message she delivers,
One step at a time.
Balanced
She walks with the Lord.
Patient
She waits on Him.
Engrossed
She seeks God’s will.
Plagued by the world
Focused on harmony
I see her clothed in calm
Soothing us with her gifts,
One step at a time.
-
© LRS 2011
Blue and green kisses
Lather my flesh
Plump, soft breasts
Smooth against my hands.
My tongue ever-so lightly
Flirts with my lips
The red has never been so red
The pleasure, never so rich.
Long, white whiskers
Tickle my arm
Passionate thoughts dance
In my head.
So in love
So alive with love
I smile
And kiss back.
Is this me
Is it real
Is this the life I live
Am I merely telling a story.
Not much more can live
Without belief
More, give me more
A lot more.
I sigh and gently giggle
The red deepens
Wet and moist
My soft lips are pouted.
Wanting
Forever wanting
Pressed by desire
Longing for his touch.
© LRS 2007
Awoken by a telling chime,
I lay surrounded by darkness.
Cold and quiet,
I am not tired.
In rooms bursting with people
I am alone.
Talking to you
Provides relief.
I filled with anger
As you spoke tonight.
I can no longer
Tolerate us.
Rattled and questioned,
My faith stepped in to rescue me.
Suffocated by your love,
I need to breathe again.
Not quite sure where I went,
Lost in a sea of others.
Loving you
Has broken me,
Learning them
Has focused me,
Practicing
Has inspired me.
Never devoid of heartache;
Never enough love.
Linked to characters in a fantasy world;
Disconnected from God.
Smothered by this world,
Desired by its keepers,
My voice
Shall be heard.
Those who tore at me
Will heed
And will grieve
At my ignore.
Brilliant and blackened,
Shadows cool my force.
Thoughts of red
Quickly emerge.
Names flow off your tongue
Like I don’t exist.
I am attacked,
Filled with sorrow.
Consume me
Swallow me
Become me
Free me.
Filtered by your stare
Allowed by your will,
Accept me
Then forget me.
Only the rain can wash this bitterness away.
© LRS 2010
Hello.
I see you over there
Staring at me.
I am pleased
You’re fond of what you see.
Will you hold my hand?
Will you move a little closer
So I can hear you speak?
Welcome.
I could sense you
From a distance
Yearning to kiss me.
You seem tense.
Am I not what you expected?
Allow me to latch on forever
And gaze into your eyes.
May I hug you?
Today is goodbye.
Our time together
Has been swift.
Still in your presence
Yet already desiring
To be with you again.
Promise when I wake up
You will be there.
Promise when I open my eyes
I’ll look over to find
You,
With me.
© LRS 2010
