Four white walls etched with traces of accidents.
The bright yellow sun
Its rays stretch out to meet me.
A heavy black box
Muffles beats
Soothes my ears.
Used
Heavy
A comfortable place to sit, reflect, express
Inspires me.
A thick tablet
Accepting, trustworthy, safe
On it I reveal all that is within
Day and night
Night and day.
© LRS 2011
questioning
all i knew as truth
under the influence of one
transformed
into everything i once believed
was wrong
if this is me
how can i fight it?
not sure i belong here
running
towards rastafari
hands in the air
waving my white flag
i surrendered
my soul now aches
stalk me
cover me in your passion
with all of you
nothing is ever enough
all i ever crave is
more
caught
in a whirlwind
chaotic thoughts
stable
in one moment
clinically ill
the next
nobody will ever understand
for i am utterly confused
grateful
i still feel something
not yet numb
just waiting…
for
death
© LRS 2011
Loving you comes so easy
So sweet
So thoughtful
So gentle
Move towards me
So slowly
Let me
Ease your stress
Don’t miss me
Stay here
With me
Never leave my heart
I’ve listened to you
Everyday
Still my feelings
They’re hard to convey
Give me what I deserve
I’ll never allow anything less
Did you hear what I said?
Do you still love me?
Walk along the beach
Call out to me
I shall hear you over the seas
Love you
All I do…
Love you
All I see…
Love you
Whatever it takes
I know you’ll pull through
I now believe
You love me too
© LRS 2011
Motivated to move forward
Backed up in a corner
I didn’t have much of a choice.
Bad decisions left me here
Hope amongst tears
Determined to find my own voice.
© LRS 2011
I write,
Even though I know
No one is reading,
Because it’s healing…
For me.
If any reason
Is good enough,
I am.
Alone
Braless
Vulnerable,
Loving my self
More than I loved you.
Patient
Capable
Willing,
Desperately necessary
Handle with care.
In one instance
We tainted everything
For better or worse?
I’m not sure.
Do I wish
To go back in time
Take back that moment?
Sometimes…
Mostly.
Slowly,
I am opening my heart
Yet again, to you,
Although you still
Remain nameless
In my phone book.
This time
You’ll need to
Earn
Your spot.
Knowing you may
Glance my way
Encourages me to
Strive,
Work harder
Be smarter
Aim higher.
Perhaps my sparkle
Will capture your heart
Once and for all.
Finally at peace
I see what you see,
I no longer require
Your validation to thrive.
I am
And forever shall be
Wonderfully made.
Now, I wait for sleep
To overtake my mind
My body,
Where hopefully
My dreams
Will be less disappointing than
My reality.
© LRS 2011
Because of you
I feel true regret
I mourn what could have been
Time has wasted yet again
Trust no longer exists
Guilt and shame rule
All because of you.
© LRS 2011
Living in my dreams
a more comfortable reality as of late
I reunited with my relatives.
All of them
taller, larger than I
stood over me with
protection and care.
As I hugged each one
I felt…
at home.
I reconnected with
my childhood
the loving relationships
I so deeply missed.
Tears fell into
puddles at our bare feet
whilst we embraced
spirits flowed freely from
one body into the next
sharing our souls with
peace and ease.
I climbed into their arms
we exchanged blinding
apologies and well-wishes
nothing was comforting
all was overwhelming.
Each tear
tore into the earth with
vengeance
guilt
regret.
The warmth of their bodies
told me the truth.
I awoke feeling calm
yet uneasy and
still empty.
Oh peaceful sleep,
why have you left me…
© LRS 2011
Not too far off in the distance
A large white smoke billows
Over the length of my body.
A tiring week of events soaks
My clothes in sweat.
His touch, too often forgotten,
Casts shadows in colors missed by the naked eye.
Only under the dark of these shadows
Am I able to express my desires.
Been asleep for many years
Lost, under his spell,
Now awake, feeling all but the present.
I cannot shut my eyes to rest.
Simple, yet uneasy tasks
Crash like waves onto my head
Knocking me down. Swirling under
I am not allowed to come up for air.
One after the other I am pressed down
Deeper and deeper into the earth.
Separated as can possibly be from the heavens,
I am closer to God than ever before.
I let out a loud screech, a call for help,
Hoping others will hear me and seek me,
Rescue me, transform my mind.
Focusing on lines, lines that show definitives,
Age, experience, heritage,
How these lines connect us.
One becomes two, then four, and back to one,
No relation between the previous
Yet all attached to the being,
Which is separate from my soul.
Softening blows, only through acceptance.
Governing peace, through understanding.
Weighing down upon my shoulders, the
Pressure of cohesiveness;
No longer a part of the responsibility I am willing to bear.
I will do my part, only my part.
I will be what is needed, for you,
Only for you, all for you, embracing you.
-
© LRS 2011
Skilled
At what you do
Years in production
Practice doesn’t make perfect
You are a natural.
Little of your effort
It takes
To master this art.
Not much forethought
Goes into preparation
A true talent
That has become you.
-
Dark eyes
An honest smile
Young and overlooked
Who was your first?
Did they see you?
Were your skills valued?
Perhaps they were
Too self-absorbed
Too ignorant
To cherish your special gift.
-
I realized
Rather quickly
You chose me
To receive your truth
I never had a chance.
To escape your passion
Meant
Turning my back
On myself
Something you knew
I would never do.
-
You held on tight
Called out to me
Knowing I was listening
Waiting for your world
To become
My own.
When you reached
For my hand
There was no going back.
I agreed
To take that trip
With you
Promised
It wasn’t fantasy
I knew the reality.
You undressed me
With your words
You borrowed my spirit
Made all the right plays.
Outside of myself
I watched you
You led the orchestra
Of my heart
Into a symphony
Of cohesive harmonies.
-
Accepting this you
Is foolish of me
I know your art
Will always be
Your first love.
A willing victim
Living in your castle
I believe you
Killing myself
One word at a time.
I sacrifice
For the better of you
Someday you’ll see
I gave you strength
It was me
Who empowered you
I’ll take your shame
Discharge your guilt
Onto my shoulders.
Continue to build
Your character of talent
Fine tune your masterpiece
Together we’ll live
In your vision
Me
An enthusiast
You
A beautiful liar.
-
© LRS 2011
Swerving through this life
One instance at a time,
-
Decorated for allure
I am sick in love.
-
Heavy headed
Shoulders weakened,
-
Malfunctioned loves
Burdens overwhelm me.
-
With peace protected
Faith beyond despair,
-
Soaked in gauze
I find strength for more.
-
As time shifts
I struggle with grace,
-
Separated from the crowd
Standing on my own talent.
-
© LRS 2011
Miss Anti-Social
As I tweet from my couch
Another night home alone
Feeling down
-
No one really cares to get to know me
Wishing I could just cry
Preparing to give birth
To yet another string of issues
-
Trapped by these mood swings
Not sure what I should do
Never quite able to explain
How I feel, what I’m thinking, who I am
-
Swallowed by hunger
Obsessed with appearance
When will I look in the mirror
And see my beauty
-
I so badly want to let down my guard
Allow them in
Accept healthy love
Forgive myself
-
Another piercing
Another tattoo
Ten more music CD’s
A visit to the local cinema
-
Searching in all the wrong places
Always led back to you
Bittersweet
I must find my footing
-
Sing to my soul
With your lovely eyes
Help me feel wanted
I need to feel alive
-
© LRS 2011
Woke up this morning
Sat down to write,
Never intended
To take part in this fight.
-
My heart full of noise
My mind blank,
Nothing to say
Dreaming awake.
-
Void of inspiration
No love story to tell,
Caught off guard
I slipped and fell.
-
Growing in spurts
One day at a time,
Taking care of myself
“Everything will be fine.”
-
Motivated by loved ones
To do my best,
I’ll stand on solid ground
Let God handle the rest.
-
Realizing my potential
With each temptation I resist,
In a moment of weakness
I found all I had missed.
-
Alone? Not now
Never shall I be,
Given another chance
My love won’t be free.
-
Counting the days
Until I feel alive again,
Focused and driven
In the end, I will win.
-
© LRS 2011
All wrapped up
Burning the day
A magnetic rush empties my eyes
Noticing my reflection again
When you’re around I don’t know who I am
-
We lay here blissful and giddy
Excited with lust
Surprised by attraction
Broken, yet social
Worlds collide
-
Brown eyes
Light skin
Smile as wide as the sea
I am an artist
You are my medium
I use you to create
-
What I see is all that matters
A scene played at the cinema
Your story told by me
Able to portray my truth to them
Nothing you can do to change my perception
I bet you’re reading this wondering who I’m talking about
-
Strong
Anticipated
Sun kissed
Like leaves stretch toward the sky
My soul reaches for you
White stains sparkle, catching your attention
Welcome
-
Alive in the flesh
Dead in spirit
No wonder you’re a disappointment
Struggle with steps
The easiest of steps
Draped in ego
Yet, no better than the rest
-
Exceptionally exceptional I am she
Delivered, I fought
Four to zero
I’m in the lead
Chalked up to life lessons
God rules my reality
-
© LRS 2011
Lost
in my desire for pain
I am searching
for greatness
Dreaming of the day
when my flesh
will be calm
Aching
for all the right reasons.
Always pointing
her finger at me
I try to smile
Eyes bright
full of darkness.
Peace
Love
Joy
Why do I strike you
Am I so unworthy?
I have mashed my feelings
down so deep
I can’t even
remember their scent
Losing more
and more
with each exhale
I await the life
I should be living.
Father, please
forgive me
my ungrateful heart
Search my soul
O Lord,
make me new
in You
Whole
alive in spirit
and truth
Learning with every blink.
I long to know you
Trapped in this body
Constantly pushed away
by my own thoughts
I ought to kill this all
serve you, only.
Ripped from his arms
I am ready to let go
on my own
I am not holding on
Hoping to live another day
attempt life once more.
Cracking warmth
chills my spirit
My mind
is open to receive
lazy
Motivated
selfish
Determined…
To love my self
Too many emotions
to sort through.
It is never too late
for true regret
Blindly existing
pretending to feel
Will I be healed?
I can’t allow
this to end
I have yet
to even begin.
I see her
I can see her
there she is
Tears
graze my cheeks
I see me.
© LRS 2008
Hello.
I see you over there
Staring at me.
I am pleased
You’re fond of what you see.
Will you hold my hand?
Will you move a little closer
So I can hear you speak?
Welcome.
I could sense you
From a distance
Yearning to kiss me.
You seem tense.
Am I not what you expected?
Allow me to latch on forever
And gaze into your eyes.
May I hug you?
Today is goodbye.
Our time together
Has been swift.
Still in your presence
Yet already desiring
To be with you again.
Promise when I wake up
You will be there.
Promise when I open my eyes
I’ll look over to find
You,
With me.
© LRS 2010
