Four white walls etched with traces of accidents.
The bright yellow sun
Its rays stretch out to meet me.
A heavy black box
Muffles beats
Soothes my ears.
Used
Heavy
A comfortable place to sit, reflect, express
Inspires me.
A thick tablet
Accepting, trustworthy, safe
On it I reveal all that is within
Day and night
Night and day.
© LRS 2011
Flip. Rumble. Panic.
Bright pink, star bursts, open air.
Inch. Passion. Beg.
Cool mist, salty shouts, fly away.
Comment. Stare. Passive.
Protect life, eat alone, slam hard.
Risk. Enchant. Confuse.
Scrawly brown, rippled looks, dancing clouds.
Bead. Jump. Grieve.
Die tomorrow, opaque brilliance, ordinary love.
Never swallow rum prepared by dirty hands loosely stored in work gloves, especially on a Thursday.
© LRS 2011
Locked up
behind doors in my mind.
Mountains of thoughts
built up over time
waiting patiently
to be climbed,
overcome,
to crumble with confidence.
In favor of my heart
I tightly close my eyes
refuse to see anything
other than love.
Like stones loosening at the base
my emotions drift off
break free from their foundation
become their own.
I’ve been given a second chance
a rare opportunity to connect
never contemplating the risks
I free fall from
the highest point of my thoughts
and wait to be caught.
Soaring above my body
looking over all aspects of life
I find true love.
Slowly
I may be ready to open the doors
one
easy turn of the knob
at a time.
© LRS 2011
questioning
all i knew as truth
under the influence of one
transformed
into everything i once believed
was wrong
if this is me
how can i fight it?
not sure i belong here
running
towards rastafari
hands in the air
waving my white flag
i surrendered
my soul now aches
stalk me
cover me in your passion
with all of you
nothing is ever enough
all i ever crave is
more
caught
in a whirlwind
chaotic thoughts
stable
in one moment
clinically ill
the next
nobody will ever understand
for i am utterly confused
grateful
i still feel something
not yet numb
just waiting…
for
death
© LRS 2011
Nothing more satisfying
Than his touch
I tingle in anticipation.
To feel him
Wrapped all around me
Means one more day of life.
Breathing him into my lungs
Trapped beneath my breasts
Where I shall secure him forever.
© LRS 2011
Bits and pieces of you float around me
With each blink I attempt to wrap you within my mind
Dancing in the wind, you flirt
Pluck my curls from beneath my ear
Leave sweet kisses atop my lashes
Gently, eagerly; land on my chest
When I reach for you, you weave through my fingertips
One after the other you gather on my cheeks
I press you into my skin; allow my flesh to absorb your energy
Deep in thought you step into my mind
Capture me from those in my presence
Keep me for yourself
Release into me
Together we are home
© LRS 2011
If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.
If…
Only if…
I could be someone
Other than me.
So disappointed
In what I’ve become
With the mistakes I’ve made
Disgusted
With the regret I feel.
If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.
If…
Only if…
I could feel something
Other than heartache.
Tired of hurting
Tired of crying
Tired of my protests
Falling on deaf ears.
If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.
If…
Only if…
I could be saved
Redeemed for my sins.
I can do this
I must press on
Gather my strength
Forward ever,
Backward never.
© LRS 2011
empty
in this oversized casing
dragging this body
around corners
through doors
looking for happiness
with my own reflection
unable to identify
the true meaning of beauty
nor do i see beauty
amongst the sway of this flesh
breasts too small
skin too scarred
teeth too crooked
whoever finds beauty in this body
has yet to see it nude
free from editing
it is more than flawed
disappointing
disgusting
damaged
placing one foot
in front of the other
searching for comfort
with what i’ve been given
a body
i will
never
accept
© LRS 2011
I am
stuck
Like chewed bubble gum on the bottom of a dirty shoe.
I am
whispering
Like a sinful Catholic schoolgirl in a dimly lit library.
I am
guilty
Like a violent burglar caught on video.
I am
angry
Like a wild boar trapped in a wire cage.
Thrashing my body against the walls of your mind
I want out
Let me free
Strong and determined
I will break these chains of oppression
Stand on one foot of bravery
Fiercely grip confidence
Staring you right in the eyes.
Back
the fuck
up!
© LRS 2011
What do I want?
What do I imagine?
Horror plagues your face
As the answers spill
From these troubled lips
So pure?
So righteous?
Allow me to introduce myself
Sick in depth
Beyond repair
A one way ticket to hell
Not sure I want to make the trip back
Another plight into lust
Snatched up without a fight
I practically begged
You wish
To be in my presence
Bathe in my light
Yet, I’m sure
Disappointment is all I’ll cause
Touch with one finger
Then retract into your fantasy
I won’t taste sweet
I won’t smell of love
I’ll sag and sway and disgust you away
Please stop
Turn around
Run deep into her arms
Where you belong
Remember me no more
After all
I am meant for another
One stroke at a time
I free you
From my grip
© LRS 2011
Chills grow on this flesh
From the cold air of night,
Darks of the rounds
Power through with might,
A faint strumming echoes in the distance
Tickles these ears with promise,
It’s a fight. Fight. Fight.
Strong on a day
Filled with gray
Never-ending pleasure in sight,
Coffee grounds
Webbed in between toes
Black, so black it’s light,
Growing with angst
Sleep in this place
Wake up here flawless,
It’s what’s right. Right. Right.
© LRS 2011
I purge you
From my heart
From my mind
I vomit thoughts of you
Your name
The sound of your voice
From my belly walls
Out into the street
I suffocate
Smother your scent
From my nostrils
Breathe you out
From my soul
I flush you
Cast you into the dark sea
So you can never control me again
I slap your face
With spikes in my hand
I mutilate you
Smash your head into the gravel
Watch your flesh bleed out
Turn blue
Turn white
Smile,
As creatures of the night feast on your body
Just as leaves blow in the autumn air
So do my cares for you
I separate from you
Drain my warmth out onto another
My eyes wide open
My heart closed up
Hard pressed
Guilt ridden
Soaked in grease, I slipped
I gather what’s left
Douse you in gasoline
Light a match
The same match I’ll use to burn my flesh
Scar my skin
To match my heart
Use my wetness to put out the flames
Stroked
Twisted
Caught dead in the middle of the day
Draw your pain on my feet
Step into the lake and wash your hurt away
The water turns black
Stained by your struggle
Gruesome and proud
I am not your savior
No appetite
I feed on your retinas
No thirst
I drink your juices
Not tired
I sleep amongst your remains
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust
© LRS 2011
Tick
Tock,
I wait.
Linger around
Hold onto your words
Marinate in your love.
Tick
Tock,
I smile.
Kiss your neck
Study your nature
Fancy my self with thoughts.
Tick
Tock,
I act.
Play the role
Fulfill your desires
Welcome you to my world.
Tick
Tock,
I dream.
Without hesitation
The tingle of feverish passion
Overtakes my night.
Tick
Tock,
I wait.
© LRS 2011
Am I merely a pawn in this mutual game
Or am I dictating our every move
One play at a time I’m being healed.
The ravenous tiger within me has been unleashed
Accepted and more alive than ever
All secrets are now revealed.
A bright flash of orange strikes the morning sky
Red, then yellow followed
Your controlled, calm umbra acts as my shield.
Tender and inviting, a cocked smile gazing down at me
With my wrists bound
At your feet I kneeled.
© LRS 2011
Lost, abandoned by selfish family
She saw him
Thick curls warmed his neck
Brown framed his face
A tall, thin, hardened boy
The pain of seclusion leaked from his heavy eyes
When he said I love you
Her heart filled with acceptance
When she felt his puckered lips
Pressed against her natural breasts
She filled with warm, rich pleasure
The sweet sensation of his gentle touch
Deep within
Hurt her courageous bones with joy
She didn’t want to part from him
She wouldn’t ever give him the chance to forget her
Stay around
Stay with me
Her heart constricted with pure agony
With each passing city
The distance between their souls
Grew more and more
She felt his love slipping right through her wet fingertips
She never intended to leave
She lay there, aloof
Staring at his masculine image
Pretending they were still together
Tormented by fate
A master at running away
She bid adieu
Their love will pullulate forever
© LRS 2011
Loving you comes so easy
So sweet
So thoughtful
So gentle
Move towards me
So slowly
Let me
Ease your stress
Don’t miss me
Stay here
With me
Never leave my heart
I’ve listened to you
Everyday
Still my feelings
They’re hard to convey
Give me what I deserve
I’ll never allow anything less
Did you hear what I said?
Do you still love me?
Walk along the beach
Call out to me
I shall hear you over the seas
Love you
All I do…
Love you
All I see…
Love you
Whatever it takes
I know you’ll pull through
I now believe
You love me too
© LRS 2011
Motivated to move forward
Backed up in a corner
I didn’t have much of a choice.
Bad decisions left me here
Hope amongst tears
Determined to find my own voice.
© LRS 2011
I write,
Even though I know
No one is reading,
Because it’s healing…
For me.
If any reason
Is good enough,
I am.
Alone
Braless
Vulnerable,
Loving my self
More than I loved you.
Patient
Capable
Willing,
Desperately necessary
Handle with care.
In one instance
We tainted everything
For better or worse?
I’m not sure.
Do I wish
To go back in time
Take back that moment?
Sometimes…
Mostly.
Slowly,
I am opening my heart
Yet again, to you,
Although you still
Remain nameless
In my phone book.
This time
You’ll need to
Earn
Your spot.
Knowing you may
Glance my way
Encourages me to
Strive,
Work harder
Be smarter
Aim higher.
Perhaps my sparkle
Will capture your heart
Once and for all.
Finally at peace
I see what you see,
I no longer require
Your validation to thrive.
I am
And forever shall be
Wonderfully made.
Now, I wait for sleep
To overtake my mind
My body,
Where hopefully
My dreams
Will be less disappointing than
My reality.
© LRS 2011
I knock on the door
“Come in,” I hear said,
I walk into your house
See you laying in bed.
“Hi,” I whisper
“Hello,” you return,
“Come here,” you request
Oh how I want, oh how I yearn.
Here, I lay in your arms
Allowing your warmth to become my own,
You wink at me, a smile escapes
When I am with you I never feel alone.
As I snuggle my face
Deep into your chest,
Your sweetness smothers
Becomes my breath.
Feeling this moment
As if it were true,
I close my eyes
Find my self in you.
Hold me close
So close, so tight,
Here, laying together
We watch day become night.
I must never fall asleep
Or lose the feel of your touch,
For when I wake in the morning
All that remains will be dust.
For now I’ll stay here
Laying next to you in bed,
If I can’t have you with me
We’ll be together in my head.
© LRS 2011
The unpredictability of you
scares me, pushes me away
But,
that’s what you wanted
am I wrong?
Haven’t you worked this hard
to make me disappear
get lost in you
tear my soul from its core,
wasn’t that your plan?
Am I now to be concerned
forgive, move on
love as before
pretend you aren’t who you are
yet again, give you all of me?
I certainly know
the liar in you
is more worthy than your apologies
and the manipulation of your words
is more dependable than your actions.
So I’m in your head
your thoughts are wrapped around me
you miss me
you’re sorry for how you’ve behaved
you’re seeking help.
Which is truth, which is farce
I have no desire to determine either
I want only to be forgotten
I want out of this equation of
evil, toxic, poisonous love.
You have not a clue of what
the word love really means
or requires. Mine is to be
earned, not toyed with
I have no more time for your issues.
I am claimed to be known
yet the woman you believe I am
is your own fantasy, I am not her
you know no more of me
than what is known of yourself.
Cut from the same cloth
yet one is
alive in truth
and the other,
dead in spirit.
I mourn the loss of what
I wish we had, what lived in my dreams.
The reality of you
I have only one word to describe
Disillusioned.
© LRS 2011
