Friends With Benefits August 9, 2012

I answered him in wafting romance, exceeding my expectations of anxious insecurity.

Brief moments of erratic sincerity and elevated bliss, he captured my desire for friendship.

Summer nights exchanged with memories of loves once known, I saw only him sitting next to me, indulging my mind with tantalizing tales and gentle compliments.

Fire lit our breaths, our inner secrets exposed to no one, dark surrounded our embrace, his room filled with engaging conversation and an occasional flirty caress.

His kiss fueled my obsession, sex running through my veins, my every thought, he left me craving his tongue in shades of cool water soothing my burn.

I walked away, regretting only that I didn’t stay longer, wearing my smile, holding my pink laced bra, twirling my curls, shattering any hopes of love, truly accepting our relationship for what it was.

© LR 2012

A tale of Love June 13, 2012

He writes for me,
songs intended for royalty

Wrapped in my favorite shade of pink,
the gifts I’ve always wanted

A knock at my door,
he arrives, uninvited,
knowing my secret desire for his presence

Day and night,
after day and night,
he gently reminds my heart it’s okay to trust

He dances with me,
until the setting sun begs for us to rest

Pressing and pulling,
he sacrifices for the better of me

My prince of modern days,
rules my world with his,
which of course is me

© LR 2012

untitled January 26, 2012

manipulation beckoned her
she understood this love
it was her false hope that revealed his words as promises
intentionally never meant to be fulfilled
yet she obsessively believed the lies
his charisma, his sexual deviance, his secrets
she delved
her world was complex, understated, she craved true passion
he bound her hand to his
forced her into his darkness
she need not had been bound
her spirit, connected as one to his own, gladly followed
and eventually led
into the darkened sea of sin, immorality, evil deeds
they plunged
breathing in only the overflowing fountain of deepened sorrow
her forgiveness, guarded by Kings
he weaseled until she sliced his soul from his chest
devouring all he was meant to be

 

© LRS 2012

Climbing Higher January 3, 2012

The decisions I face
Take greater strength than that which I possess,
I must call upon a higher level of consciousness.

 

He lightly held my face in His hands and whispered,
“My child, call on me. Look not to this world for your purpose.”
Filled with abundant love, my cup overflows.

 

I’ve traveled through many stages,
Reflecting and holding on to the beautiful life I’ve lived thus far,
I am only as weak as I believe.

 

I look beyond what my eyes can see,
Remaining faithful and honest with myself,
Removing secrets from my heart.

 

© LRS 2012

 

Walking in the Light August 31, 2011

 

Heart racing
Increased breaths
The emptiness behind these walls fills with terror.
Forced to view my reflection through his eyes
I tremble with fear.
Questioning if his love is genuine
I test his level of acceptance
Revealing my soul’s darkest secret.
Strong enough to say goodbye
Hoping he won’t also disappear
Ask me to face this alone.

 

As I write each word
I also say it aloud
Wanting my own ears to finally accept the twisted truth.
So sure he’s scared, disgusted, and ready to run
I push,
“It’s okay. I understand. You can go, I’ll be fine.”
In my heart I plead,
Please don’t leave me all alone. Please still love me. Please, I need you.

 

Confusion instantly flees
I hear myself
I know
I see what I see
Found, I am home.
I feel peace blanket me entire.
Calm releases from my gut and spreads
Searching for freedom
Out through my toes, fingertips, mouth, and top of my head
Spins around, covering me complete.
No longer bound by darkness,
Trapped dead in secrets
It is well with my soul
I am free.

 

Tenderness whirls through my body.
He gently takes my heart in his hands
Breathes life back into my deadened spirit.
Softly, softer than ever before
He kisses my forehead
Lovingly hugs me close
Sings songs of praise as I weep in his embrace.
He never once closes his eyes
Turns his back
Or leaves my presence.
He takes my hand
Stitches it to his own
So we may take this journey together,
Reclaim passion
Live in love.

 

© LRS 2011

 

For(ward) Ever July 9, 2011

If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.

 

If…
Only if…
I could be someone
Other than me.
So disappointed
In what I’ve become
With the mistakes I’ve made
Disgusted
With the regret I feel.

 

If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.

 

If…
Only if…
I could feel something
Other than heartache.
Tired of hurting
Tired of crying
Tired of my protests
Falling on deaf ears.

 

If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.

 

If…
Only if…
I could be saved
Redeemed for my sins.
I can do this
I must press on
Gather my strength
Forward ever,
Backward never.

 

© LRS 2011

 

Catch and Release July 6, 2011

What do I want?
What do I imagine?
Horror plagues your face
As the answers spill
From these troubled lips

So pure?
So righteous?
Allow me to introduce myself
Sick in depth
Beyond repair

A one way ticket to hell
Not sure I want to make the trip back
Another plight into lust
Snatched up without a fight
I practically begged

You wish
To be in my presence
Bathe in my light
Yet, I’m sure
Disappointment is all I’ll cause

Touch with one finger
Then retract into your fantasy
I won’t taste sweet
I won’t smell of love
I’ll sag and sway and disgust you away

Please stop
Turn around
Run deep into her arms
Where you belong
Remember me no more

After all
I am meant for another
One stroke at a time
I free you
From my grip

 

© LRS 2011

 

Rest in Peace July 2, 2011

I purge you
From my heart
From my mind
I vomit thoughts of you
Your name
The sound of your voice
From my belly walls
Out into the street

 

I suffocate
Smother your scent
From my nostrils
Breathe you out
From my soul
I flush you
Cast you into the dark sea
So you can never control me again

 

I slap your face
With spikes in my hand
I mutilate you
Smash your head into the gravel
Watch your flesh bleed out
Turn blue
Turn white
Smile,
As creatures of the night feast on your body

 

Just as leaves blow in the autumn air
So do my cares for you
I separate from you
Drain my warmth out onto another
My eyes wide open
My heart closed up
Hard pressed
Guilt ridden
Soaked in grease, I slipped

 

I gather what’s left
Douse you in gasoline
Light a match
The same match I’ll use to burn my flesh
Scar my skin
To match my heart
Use my wetness to put out the flames

 

Stroked
Twisted
Caught dead in the middle of the day
Draw your pain on my feet
Step into the lake and wash your hurt away
The water turns black
Stained by your struggle
Gruesome and proud
I am not your savior

 

No appetite
I feed on your retinas
No thirst
I drink your juices
Not tired
I sleep amongst your remains
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust

 

© LRS 2011

 

Day 23 July 1, 2011

Tick
Tock,
I wait.
Linger around
Hold onto your words
Marinate in your love.

 

Tick
Tock,
I smile.
Kiss your neck
Study your nature
Fancy my self with thoughts.

 

Tick
Tock,
I act.
Play the role
Fulfill your desires
Welcome you to my world.

 

Tick
Tock,
I dream.
Without hesitation
The tingle of feverish passion
Overtakes my night.

 

Tick
Tock,
I wait.

 

© LRS 2011

 

Swallowed June 30, 2011

Am I merely a pawn in this mutual game
Or am I dictating our every move
One play at a time I’m being healed.

 

The ravenous tiger within me has been unleashed
Accepted and more alive than ever
All secrets are now revealed.

 

A bright flash of orange strikes the morning sky
Red, then yellow followed
Your controlled, calm umbra acts as my shield.

 

Tender and inviting, a cocked smile gazing down at me
With my wrists bound
At your feet I kneeled.

 

© LRS 2011

 

Clairvoyant June 15, 2011

I write,
Even though I know
No one is reading,
Because it’s healing…
For me.
If any reason
Is good enough,
I am.

 

Alone
Braless
Vulnerable,
Loving my self
More than I loved you.
Patient
Capable
Willing,
Desperately necessary
Handle with care.

 

In one instance
We tainted everything
For better or worse?
I’m not sure.
Do I wish
To go back in time
Take back that moment?
Sometimes…
Mostly.

 

Slowly,
I am opening my heart
Yet again, to you,
Although you still
Remain nameless
In my phone book.
This time
You’ll need to
Earn
Your spot.

 

Knowing you may
Glance my way
Encourages me to
Strive,
Work harder
Be smarter
Aim higher.
Perhaps my sparkle
Will capture your heart
Once and for all.

 

Finally at peace
I see what you see,
I no longer require
Your validation to thrive.
I am
And forever shall be
Wonderfully made.

 

Now, I wait for sleep
To overtake my mind
My body,
Where hopefully
My dreams
Will be less disappointing than
My reality.

 

© LRS 2011

 

Lay With Me June 14, 2011

I knock on the door
“Come in,” I hear said,
I walk into your house
See you laying in bed.

 

“Hi,” I whisper
“Hello,” you return,
“Come here,” you request
Oh how I want, oh how I yearn.

 

Here, I lay in your arms
Allowing your warmth to become my own,
You wink at me, a smile escapes
When I am with you I never feel alone.

 

As I snuggle my face
Deep into your chest,
Your sweetness smothers
Becomes my breath.

 

Feeling this moment
As if it were true,
I close my eyes
Find my self in you.

 

Hold me close
So close, so tight,
Here, laying together
We watch day become night.

 

I must never fall asleep
Or lose the feel of your touch,
For when I wake in the morning
All that remains will be dust.

 

For now I’ll stay here
Laying next to you in bed,
If I can’t have you with me
We’ll be together in my head.

 

© LRS 2011

 

Beautiful Liar March 28, 2011

Skilled
At what you do
Years in production
Practice doesn’t make perfect
You are a natural.
Little of your effort
It takes
To master this art.
Not much forethought
Goes into preparation
A true talent
That has become you.

-

Dark eyes
An honest smile
Young and overlooked
Who was your first?
Did they see you?
Were your skills valued?
Perhaps they were
Too self-absorbed
Too ignorant
To cherish your special gift.

-

I realized
Rather quickly
You chose me
To receive your truth
I never had a chance.
To escape your passion
Meant
Turning my back
On myself
Something you knew
I would never do.

-

You held on tight
Called out to me
Knowing I was listening
Waiting for your world
To become
My own.
When you reached
For my hand
There was no going back.
I agreed
To take that trip
With you
Promised
It wasn’t fantasy
I knew the reality.
You undressed me
With your words
You borrowed my spirit
Made all the right plays.
Outside of myself
I watched you
You led the orchestra
Of my heart
Into a symphony
Of cohesive harmonies.

-

Accepting this you
Is foolish of me
I know your art
Will always be
Your first love.
A willing victim
Living in your castle
I believe you
Killing myself
One word at a time.
I sacrifice
For the better of you
Someday you’ll see
I gave you strength
It was me
Who empowered you
I’ll take your shame
Discharge your guilt
Onto my shoulders.
Continue to build
Your character of talent
Fine tune your masterpiece
Together we’ll live
In your vision
Me
An enthusiast
You
A beautiful liar.

-

© LRS 2011

Never Alone March 3, 2011

Woke up this morning
Sat down to write,
Never intended
To take part in this fight.

-

My heart full of noise
My mind blank,
Nothing to say
Dreaming awake.

-

Void of inspiration
No love story to tell,
Caught off guard
I slipped and fell.

-

Growing in spurts
One day at a time,
Taking care of myself
“Everything will be fine.”

-

Motivated by loved ones
To do my best,
I’ll stand on solid ground
Let God handle the rest.

-

Realizing my potential
With each temptation I resist,
In a moment of weakness
I found all I had missed.

-

Alone? Not now
Never shall I be,
Given another chance
My love won’t be free.

-

Counting the days
Until I feel alive again,
Focused and driven
In the end, I will win.

-

© LRS 2011

My Perfect 7 January 1, 2011

Light, so bright
Playful and high,
An open-ended corner
Gifts I cannot deny.

 

Innocent
Full of life,
I protect with care
Delve with delight.

 

Ready, open
Prepared to flee,
Beauty, this beauty
Uncommon to me.

 

Gauged by wealth
Success… no risk,
Flirted with evil
Not all opportunities I’ve missed.

 

Conditioned
Masked by wisdom and truth,
I waited to be used
Like a forgotten phone booth.

 

Hated, I’m not
Judged, forever I’ll be,
With respect for the lady
I danced with her king.

 

Community space
Shared by those that do not speak,
Laces that grippen
Constantly weak.

 

Amused and unshappened
Dictated by loss,
On fire with passion
No matter the cost.

 

Angered by trauma
Swept up by despair,
Encouraged by insight
Released by my fear.

 

Accepting my fate
Gaining strength in my knees,
Naked without secrets
I embrace this bipolar disease.

 

© LRS 2011

 

You September 25, 2010

 

Hello.

I see you over there

Staring at me.

I am pleased

You’re fond of what you see.

Will you hold my hand?

Will you move a little closer

So I can hear you speak?

Welcome.

I could sense you

From a distance

Yearning to kiss me.

You seem tense.

Am I not what you expected?

Allow me to latch on forever

And gaze into your eyes.

May I hug you?

Today is goodbye.

Our time together

Has been swift.

Still in your presence

Yet already desiring

To be with you again.

Promise when I wake up

You will be there.

Promise when I open my eyes

I’ll look over to find

You,

With me.

 

© LRS 2010