True Love September 4, 2012

Reading 1 John today, I’m reminded of the great love of God and His simple commands.

The passage about Walking in the Light has me prayerfully asking God to continue saturating me in His light, ever removing my heart from living in blind darkness. The passage on Loving One Another further instills my belief of my natural ability to love and my strong desire to love as Christ loves.

Sometimes, I get caught up in this world and it wears on my spirit, but studying readings like this reminds me that I am not of this world and the one who is in me is greater than the one who is in the world (1 John 4:4). Despite my many struggles, fears, heartache and weaknesses, God continues to remind me that He is here, with me, ready to carry my burdens as I allow. He loves me, regardless of my sins, and wants to breathe new life in me through His Son. I’m not afraid because, there is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear (1 John4:18).

© LR 2012

Clairvoyant June 15, 2011

I write,
Even though I know
No one is reading,
Because it’s healing…
For me.
If any reason
Is good enough,
I am.

 

Alone
Braless
Vulnerable,
Loving my self
More than I loved you.
Patient
Capable
Willing,
Desperately necessary
Handle with care.

 

In one instance
We tainted everything
For better or worse?
I’m not sure.
Do I wish
To go back in time
Take back that moment?
Sometimes…
Mostly.

 

Slowly,
I am opening my heart
Yet again, to you,
Although you still
Remain nameless
In my phone book.
This time
You’ll need to
Earn
Your spot.

 

Knowing you may
Glance my way
Encourages me to
Strive,
Work harder
Be smarter
Aim higher.
Perhaps my sparkle
Will capture your heart
Once and for all.

 

Finally at peace
I see what you see,
I no longer require
Your validation to thrive.
I am
And forever shall be
Wonderfully made.

 

Now, I wait for sleep
To overtake my mind
My body,
Where hopefully
My dreams
Will be less disappointing than
My reality.

 

© LRS 2011

 

Boomerang June 8, 2011

The unpredictability of you
scares me, pushes me away
But,
that’s what you wanted
am I wrong?

 

Haven’t you worked this hard
to make me disappear
get lost in you
tear my soul from its core,
wasn’t that your plan?

 

Am I now to be concerned
forgive, move on
love as before
pretend you aren’t who you are
yet again, give you all of me?

 

I certainly know
the liar in you
is more worthy than your apologies
and the manipulation of your words
is more dependable than your actions.

 

So I’m in your head
your thoughts are wrapped around me
you miss me
you’re sorry for how you’ve behaved
you’re seeking help.

 

Which is truth, which is farce
I have no desire to determine either
I want only to be forgotten
I want out of this equation of
evil, toxic, poisonous love.

 

You have not a clue of what
the word love really means
or requires. Mine is to be
earned, not toyed with
I have no more time for your issues.

 

I am claimed to be known
yet the woman you believe I am
is your own fantasy, I am not her
you know no more of me
than what is known of yourself.

 

Cut from the same cloth
yet one is
alive in truth
and the other,
dead in spirit.

 

I mourn the loss of what
I wish we had, what lived in my dreams.
The reality of you
I have only one word to describe
Disillusioned.

 

© LRS 2011

 

Within The REM May 6, 2011

Living in my dreams
a more comfortable reality as of late
I reunited with my relatives.

All of them
taller, larger than I
stood over me with
protection and care.

As I hugged each one
I felt…
at home.

I reconnected with
my childhood
the loving relationships
I so deeply missed.

Tears fell into
puddles at our bare feet
whilst we embraced
spirits flowed freely from
one body into the next
sharing our souls with
peace and ease.

I climbed into their arms
we exchanged blinding
apologies and well-wishes
nothing was comforting
all was overwhelming.

Each tear
tore into the earth with
vengeance
guilt
regret.

The warmth of their bodies
told me the truth.

I awoke feeling calm
yet uneasy and
still empty.

Oh peaceful sleep,
why have you left me…

 

© LRS 2011

 

God is Love May 4, 2011

Evil doer
You attempted to lead me astray,
You are the liar
You are the denier
A false prophet,
You did not withstand my tests.

 

My fears
Have been driven out
By perfect love,
The one who is in me
Is greater
Than the one who is in the world.

 

Lost
In lawlessness
You remain
In death,
A murderer
Outside of eternal life.

 

I carry with me
The spirit of truth
I am in chains for Christ,
Victory will be mine
Born of God
I will overcome the world.

 

Insist my truth is stupid
Not to worry, boy
I have faith
My ‘stupidity’
Will last for eternity.

 

I am not surprised
That the world
Hates me,
For I have passed
From death
To life.

 

Love me as I loved you
Not with words
Instead,
With actions
And in truth.

 

I didn’t know where I was going
The darkness
Had blinded me,
Not everything of the world
Comes from
The Father.

 

© LRS 2011

 

Beautiful Liar March 28, 2011

Skilled
At what you do
Years in production
Practice doesn’t make perfect
You are a natural.
Little of your effort
It takes
To master this art.
Not much forethought
Goes into preparation
A true talent
That has become you.

-

Dark eyes
An honest smile
Young and overlooked
Who was your first?
Did they see you?
Were your skills valued?
Perhaps they were
Too self-absorbed
Too ignorant
To cherish your special gift.

-

I realized
Rather quickly
You chose me
To receive your truth
I never had a chance.
To escape your passion
Meant
Turning my back
On myself
Something you knew
I would never do.

-

You held on tight
Called out to me
Knowing I was listening
Waiting for your world
To become
My own.
When you reached
For my hand
There was no going back.
I agreed
To take that trip
With you
Promised
It wasn’t fantasy
I knew the reality.
You undressed me
With your words
You borrowed my spirit
Made all the right plays.
Outside of myself
I watched you
You led the orchestra
Of my heart
Into a symphony
Of cohesive harmonies.

-

Accepting this you
Is foolish of me
I know your art
Will always be
Your first love.
A willing victim
Living in your castle
I believe you
Killing myself
One word at a time.
I sacrifice
For the better of you
Someday you’ll see
I gave you strength
It was me
Who empowered you
I’ll take your shame
Discharge your guilt
Onto my shoulders.
Continue to build
Your character of talent
Fine tune your masterpiece
Together we’ll live
In your vision
Me
An enthusiast
You
A beautiful liar.

-

© LRS 2011

A, Cousin of Mine March 17, 2011

Allay and subtle

She writes with certainty.

Dedicated and adoring

She protects her soul,

One step at a time.

She evaluates life

Past experiences

Religious ideals

… herself.

She has yet to discover

The remarkable woman within.

Pleasing to God

Gentle in spirit

Blinding beauty exudes,

One step at a time.

Blessed to know her, am I.

As I read her words

Direct and influential

She unlocks my enthusiasm for Christ.

Grace and dignity

She owns.

Obedience and justice

She adheres to,

One step at a time.

Open to learning

Guided by God

Fear does not seize her.

Silently judged

She desires to break away

A healthy message she delivers,

One step at a time.

Balanced

She walks with the Lord.

Patient

She waits on Him.

Engrossed

She seeks God’s will.

Plagued by the world

Focused on harmony

I see her clothed in calm

Soothing us with her gifts,

One step at a time.

-

© LRS 2011

Everclear February 4, 2011

Breathe

Deep breaths.

In and out

Just breathe.

I’m left alone

Separated.

Now I can finally breathe.

 -

Slightly sad

I do miss him.

Not the man I now know

Rather, who he was before.

I am happier without him.

I was miserable

Craving more.

 -

I allowed lust to break me.

I lost everything

Hard work gone wasted.

I’ve taken back my heart

I’m in the driver’s seat now.

I learned my lesson

The hard way.

 -

I always struggle

Being drawn to those that use

Abuse

Throw away.

I shouldn’t allow adore to consume me.

The level of sin and despair I was trapped in

Will never again survive me.

 -

Focusing on

Jesus

Myself

And genuine relationships.

Being cautious with my heart

Without changing who I am.

Thankful I learned this

I am now stronger

Smarter

More in harmony with my spirit.

I eliminated toxic wastes

My purpose is clear.

 -

 -

[You may not believe this

God uses you to reach others.

He used you to reveal me.

God has a master plan

I trust Him.

 -

I’m sure you already know

You’re not that

Smart

Nice

Successful

Loving

Compassionate

Understanding

Sympathetic

Caring

Or attractive.

 -

You are a

Selfish

Rude

Dishonest

Cruel

Ignorant,

Failure.

I am content being ignored

By you.

 -

I no longer want

To attract people like you.

Apparently, my message is being received

Loud and clear.

Accomplish all the fame and fortune

This world has to offer,

You will never be as happy as I

Until you are able

To be honest with yourself

About whom you really are.

 -

You want others to feel about you

All the horrible things

You feel about you.

You make your own worst judgments

Come true.

Call yourself an asshole

Treat others like shit

They will eventually agree with you.

 -

Want compliments?

Change.

It is obvious

You are not ready or capable

To change right now

I have to change.

You’ll be left in the dust

To fend for yourself

You’ll be fine

I did it.]

 -

© LRS 2011

Tears of Grace October 31, 2010

Lost
in my desire for pain
I am searching
for greatness
Dreaming of the day
when my flesh
will be calm
Aching
for all the right reasons.

 

Always pointing
her finger at me
I try to smile
Eyes bright
full of darkness.

 

Peace
Love
Joy
Why do I strike you
Am I so unworthy?

 

I have mashed my feelings
down so deep
I can’t even
remember their scent
Losing more
and more
with each exhale
I await the life
I should be living.

 

Father, please
forgive me
my ungrateful heart
Search my soul
O Lord,
make me new
in You
Whole
alive in spirit
and truth
Learning with every blink.

 

I long to know you
Trapped in this body
Constantly pushed away
by my own thoughts
I ought to kill this all
serve you, only.

 

Ripped from his arms
I am ready to let go
on my own
I am not holding on
Hoping to live another day
attempt life once more.

 

Cracking warmth
chills my spirit
My mind
is open to receive
lazy
Motivated
selfish
Determined…
To love my self
Too many emotions
to sort through.

 

It is never too late
for true regret
Blindly existing
pretending to feel
Will I be healed?
I can’t allow
this to end
I have yet
to even begin.

 

I see her
I can see her
there she is
Tears
graze my cheeks
I see me.

 

© LRS 2008

 

Distance September 18, 2010

Days go by
So long and unfamiliar,
The nights
So lonely.
I walk about
Searching for fulfillment
My soul desires connection.

 

I crave your love
Acceptance
Attention.
Fears accumulated since birth,
I have worked so attentively to overcome,
Are back, draining life from
Deep within my soul.

 

Purposely not allowing negative emotions to overcome me
I sit back
Glass in hand
And breathe in, oh so deeply.
My thoughts are inconsistent and overwhelming.
Sweet green, please
Calm my mind.

 

My passion,
Honest and luring,
Separates us even more.
I step away, just for a moment, to
Let my thoughts run wild.
Joy and happiness brings heartache
And I am confused.

 

My sentiment is raw and true,
But still new
And unpredictable.
Will closeness cure this
Or must I relish in these feelings,
Allow them to ferment
And accept what they become.

 

Arrows grip my flesh
My stomach aches with adore
The pure satisfaction is telling.
I long to know you
Hold your hand in mine.
Hear your voice
Speak my words.

 

I study your face
I am determined to find similarities.
Oh precious man
Walk your path and stumble onto my own,
Look into my eyes and deny me.
Pay my spirit for the years of debt.
Sing a lullaby as I fall asleep.

 

Mend your ways.
Increase our love.
Tear down this
Distance
And hold me
In your arms,
Forever.

 

© LRS 2010