In the Face of Adversity January 31, 2013

Most of us have faced adversity, some more than others, but hopefully what we learned, how we chose to overcome, the compassion we gained, and the experience we lived through inspired us enough to not give up.

I struggle, a lot, and I’m doing my best not to give up. To remain hopeful in God. To stay focused on my growth, not stuck in the pain. I trust God is in my difficult situations just as He is in my blessings. I’m practicing trust, honesty, and forgiveness, but I am struggling.

Once I get past this, and am able to move forward in my journey, I pray I’ll be able to look back at my difficulties and be grateful for how far I’ve come.

Willingness. Acceptance. Healing. Growth. Change. This has been a very powerful journey for me, probably the most dynamic adversity I’ve yet to face. And God willing, the most significant blessing to my life.

©2013 All rights reserved.

Rest in Peace July 2, 2011

I purge you
From my heart
From my mind
I vomit thoughts of you
Your name
The sound of your voice
From my belly walls
Out into the street

 

I suffocate
Smother your scent
From my nostrils
Breathe you out
From my soul
I flush you
Cast you into the dark sea
So you can never control me again

 

I slap your face
With spikes in my hand
I mutilate you
Smash your head into the gravel
Watch your flesh bleed out
Turn blue
Turn white
Smile,
As creatures of the night feast on your body

 

Just as leaves blow in the autumn air
So do my cares for you
I separate from you
Drain my warmth out onto another
My eyes wide open
My heart closed up
Hard pressed
Guilt ridden
Soaked in grease, I slipped

 

I gather what’s left
Douse you in gasoline
Light a match
The same match I’ll use to burn my flesh
Scar my skin
To match my heart
Use my wetness to put out the flames

 

Stroked
Twisted
Caught dead in the middle of the day
Draw your pain on my feet
Step into the lake and wash your hurt away
The water turns black
Stained by your struggle
Gruesome and proud
I am not your savior

 

No appetite
I feed on your retinas
No thirst
I drink your juices
Not tired
I sleep amongst your remains
Ashes to ashes
Dust to dust

 

© LRS 2011

 

The Blameless April 27, 2011

Mixed up in a world that agrees with nothing I believe.

-

A faceless man with hard breath
Sour and angry
Moves towards me.

-

Mixed up in a world where strangers are closer than family.

-

Shifting one leg over the other
I pull him close to me
Wanting all he has to offer.

-

Mixed up in a world that glorifies instant gratification.

-

My desires
Stronger than my mind
Overwhelms our physical unification.

-

Mixed up in a world that preys on innocent love.

-

He reaches into my mouth
Goes straight for my heart; grips fiercely,
Yanking it from my chest.

-

Mixed up in a world where fighting prevails.

-

Entranced by his allure
I never say stop
I never once even moan in pain.

-

Mixed up in a world filled with beautiful struggle.

-

I allow him to steal my heart from its safe casing
I watch him steal every ounce of my self
Left feeling used, penniless, cheap.

-

Mixed up in a world, having only myself to blame.

-

© LRS 2011

Unworthy April 25, 2011

On a quest

Searching for happiness within,

I have yet to be capable of loving my self.

This morning I awoke dismayed

Never thin enough

Nice enough

Strong enough

Christian enough

Worth enough to be content with me.

Surrounded by worldly possessions and its keepers,

Struggling to stay focused on Christ,

Today I realized I won’t win this battle.

I cried, screamed,

Begged Jesus to take me home

Free me into the heavens,

Fill my heart with infinite peace.

Tired, frustrated, hurt, and broken…

I gave in.

The pain is too deep

Too often and

Too much for me to bear.

I want out, I confessed,

I have no desire to fight any longer.

Nothing in or of this world is worthy,

Certainly neither am I.

-

© LRS 2011