The Journey: 9/30/15 September 30, 2015

I’ve been feeling down, hating myself; my looks, attitude, financial situation, lack of relationships, and overall circumstances. It’s been leading to a joyless life filled with negativity and self-rejection.

After years of dealing with abandonment and rejection from others, followed by years of healing from those experiences, I am now finding more and more that I have been abandoning and rejecting myself.

Why? Is that what I feel I deserve or am I just so used to that kind of treatment from others that I’ve turned it inward?

I spend a good amount of time reflecting, looking within for insight, practicing self-awareness and evaluating my behavior. Recently it’s revealed my lack of self-love, self-acceptance and self-respect. The way I’ve been talking to and treating me is far beyond my scope of how I would even treat an enemy. At least with an enemy I’d be more likely to ignore them and not engage rather than be rude and hateful.

So, now what do I do to change these behaviors and focus more on loving, accepting and respecting myself?

The Journey

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Honest Love: My Sweetest Friend July 19, 2012

Oh sweet love, how you cover me in shades of delight,
you triumph the masquerade of doubt.

My time with you sweetens the kiss of solitude,
the mindfulness of humility floods my heart with appreciation.

Waking to the peaceful wash of gratitude,
I radically accept your beauty, your gentle embrace of comfort.

Surrender with complete abandon to God’s care and protection,
lead your recovery with grace and forgiveness.

Opened to the reality of strength through adversity,
your eyes see growth, progress, and compassion.

Focused on others, the greatest reward in giving,
you are wholly present and alive, living in happiness.

Dear, sweet Laurice, filled with willingness, amazed by your unwavering decision to walk in faith,
you long to spend each moment loving and believing your worth to God.

This honest love, honor and self-respect,
you will be your sweetest friend, as will I.

*This poem was written to me, by me. I’m learning that when I’m alone, I’m really with myself, and I’m loving the quality time I’m spending with her 🙂

© LR 2012