Lord | Her Story Unread

If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.

If…
Only if…
I could be someone
Other than me.
So disappointed
In what I’ve become
With the mistakes I’ve made
Disgusted
With the regret I feel.

If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.

If…
Only if…
I could feel something
Other than heartache.
Tired of hurting
Tired of crying
Tired of my protests
Falling on deaf ears.

If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.

If…
Only if…
I could be saved
Redeemed for my sins.
I can do this
I must press on
Gather my strength
Forward ever,
Backward never.

Evil doer
You attempted to lead me astray,
You are the liar
You are the denier
A false prophet,
You did not withstand my tests.

My fears
Have been driven out
By perfect love,
The one who is in me
Is greater
Than the one who is in the world.

Lost
In lawlessness
You remain
In death,
A murderer
Outside of eternal life.

I carry with me
The spirit of truth
I am in chains for Christ,
Victory will be mine
Born of God
I will overcome the world.

Insist my truth is stupid
Not to worry, boy
I have faith
My ‘stupidity’
Will last for eternity.

I am not surprised
That the world
Hates me,
For I have passed
From death
To life.

Love me as I loved you
Not with words
Instead,
With actions
And in truth.

I didn’t know where I was going
The darkness
Had blinded me,
Not everything of the world
Comes from
The Father.

Lost
in my desire for pain
I am searching
for greatness
Dreaming of the day
when my flesh
will be calm
Aching
for all the right reasons.

Always pointing
her finger at me
I try to smile
Eyes bright
full of darkness.

Peace
Love
Joy
Why do I strike you
Am I so unworthy?

I have mashed my feelings
down so deep
I can’t even
remember their scent
Losing more
and more
with each exhale
I await the life
I should be living.

Father, please
forgive me
my ungrateful heart
Search my soul
O Lord,
make me new
in You
Whole
alive in spirit
and truth
Learning with every blink.

I long to know you
Trapped in this body
Constantly pushed away
by my own thoughts
I ought to kill this all
serve you, only.

Ripped from his arms
I am ready to let go
on my own
I am not holding on
Hoping to live another day
attempt life once more.

Cracking warmth
chills my spirit
My mind
is open to receive
lazy
Motivated
selfish
Determined…
To love my self
Too many emotions
to sort through.

It is never too late
for true regret
Blindly existing
pretending to feel
Will I be healed?
I can’t allow
this to end
I have yet
to even begin.

I see her
I can see her
there she is
Tears
graze my cheeks
I see me.

Her Story Unread