For(ward) Ever July 9, 2011

If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.

 

If…
Only if…
I could be someone
Other than me.
So disappointed
In what I’ve become
With the mistakes I’ve made
Disgusted
With the regret I feel.

 

If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.

 

If…
Only if…
I could feel something
Other than heartache.
Tired of hurting
Tired of crying
Tired of my protests
Falling on deaf ears.

 

If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.

 

If…
Only if…
I could be saved
Redeemed for my sins.
I can do this
I must press on
Gather my strength
Forward ever,
Backward never.

 

© LRS 2011

 

God is Love May 4, 2011

Evil doer
You attempted to lead me astray,
You are the liar
You are the denier
A false prophet,
You did not withstand my tests.

 

My fears
Have been driven out
By perfect love,
The one who is in me
Is greater
Than the one who is in the world.

 

Lost
In lawlessness
You remain
In death,
A murderer
Outside of eternal life.

 

I carry with me
The spirit of truth
I am in chains for Christ,
Victory will be mine
Born of God
I will overcome the world.

 

Insist my truth is stupid
Not to worry, boy
I have faith
My ‘stupidity’
Will last for eternity.

 

I am not surprised
That the world
Hates me,
For I have passed
From death
To life.

 

Love me as I loved you
Not with words
Instead,
With actions
And in truth.

 

I didn’t know where I was going
The darkness
Had blinded me,
Not everything of the world
Comes from
The Father.

 

© LRS 2011

 

Unworthy April 25, 2011

On a quest

Searching for happiness within,

I have yet to be capable of loving my self.

This morning I awoke dismayed

Never thin enough

Nice enough

Strong enough

Christian enough

Worth enough to be content with me.

Surrounded by worldly possessions and its keepers,

Struggling to stay focused on Christ,

Today I realized I won’t win this battle.

I cried, screamed,

Begged Jesus to take me home

Free me into the heavens,

Fill my heart with infinite peace.

Tired, frustrated, hurt, and broken…

I gave in.

The pain is too deep

Too often and

Too much for me to bear.

I want out, I confessed,

I have no desire to fight any longer.

Nothing in or of this world is worthy,

Certainly neither am I.

–

© LRS 2011