For(ward) Ever July 9, 2011

If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.

 

If…
Only if…
I could be someone
Other than me.
So disappointed
In what I’ve become
With the mistakes I’ve made
Disgusted
With the regret I feel.

 

If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.

 

If…
Only if…
I could feel something
Other than heartache.
Tired of hurting
Tired of crying
Tired of my protests
Falling on deaf ears.

 

If…
If only…
Then I would be happy.

 

If…
Only if…
I could be saved
Redeemed for my sins.
I can do this
I must press on
Gather my strength
Forward ever,
Backward never.

 

© LRS 2011

 

Dynamics June 27, 2011

Motivated to move forward
Backed up in a corner
I didn’t have much of a choice.

 

Bad decisions left me here
Hope amongst tears
Determined to find my own voice.

 

© LRS 2011

 

Best For Me June 8, 2011

Not certain you realize
how many tears
I’ve wasted
on you,
How much care
I once held
for you.
Days
eagerly
passed
with thoughts
of you.
Greedy little faith stealer
compassionless whore searcher,
Self-absorbed
brimming with anger,
a dangerous combination.
As I’m writing this
it has occurred to me
you’re not even worth
my time,
My tears have ceased
my heart has hardened.
Thoughts of you
are
distant memories
I care…
no more.

 
© LRS 2011

 

 

Within The REM May 6, 2011

Living in my dreams
a more comfortable reality as of late
I reunited with my relatives.

All of them
taller, larger than I
stood over me with
protection and care.

As I hugged each one
I felt…
at home.

I reconnected with
my childhood
the loving relationships
I so deeply missed.

Tears fell into
puddles at our bare feet
whilst we embraced
spirits flowed freely from
one body into the next
sharing our souls with
peace and ease.

I climbed into their arms
we exchanged blinding
apologies and well-wishes
nothing was comforting
all was overwhelming.

Each tear
tore into the earth with
vengeance
guilt
regret.

The warmth of their bodies
told me the truth.

I awoke feeling calm
yet uneasy and
still empty.

Oh peaceful sleep,
why have you left me…

 

© LRS 2011