Unworthy April 25, 2011

On a quest

Searching for happiness within,

I have yet to be capable of loving my self.

This morning I awoke dismayed

Never thin enough

Nice enough

Strong enough

Christian enough

Worth enough to be content with me.

Surrounded by worldly possessions and its keepers,

Struggling to stay focused on Christ,

Today I realized I won’t win this battle.

I cried, screamed,

Begged Jesus to take me home

Free me into the heavens,

Fill my heart with infinite peace.

Tired, frustrated, hurt, and broken…

I gave in.

The pain is too deep

Too often and

Too much for me to bear.

I want out, I confessed,

I have no desire to fight any longer.

Nothing in or of this world is worthy,

Certainly neither am I.

–

© LRS 2011

My Perfect 7 January 1, 2011

Light, so bright
Playful and high,
An open-ended corner
Gifts I cannot deny.

 

Innocent
Full of life,
I protect with care
Delve with delight.

 

Ready, open
Prepared to flee,
Beauty, this beauty
Uncommon to me.

 

Gauged by wealth
Success… no risk,
Flirted with evil
Not all opportunities I’ve missed.

 

Conditioned
Masked by wisdom and truth,
I waited to be used
Like a forgotten phone booth.

 

Hated, I’m not
Judged, forever I’ll be,
With respect for the lady
I danced with her king.

 

Community space
Shared by those that do not speak,
Laces that grippen
Constantly weak.

 

Amused and unshappened
Dictated by loss,
On fire with passion
No matter the cost.

 

Angered by trauma
Swept up by despair,
Encouraged by insight
Released by my fear.

 

Accepting my fate
Gaining strength in my knees,
Naked without secrets
I embrace this bipolar disease.

 

© LRS 2011