Deliver Me July 15, 2011

 

questioning
all i knew as truth
under the influence of one
transformed
into everything i once believed
was wrong

 

if this is me
how can i fight it?
not sure i belong here

 

running
towards rastafari
hands in the air
waving my white flag
i surrendered
my soul now aches

 

stalk me
cover me in your passion
with all of you
nothing is ever enough
all i ever crave is
more

 

caught
in a whirlwind
chaotic thoughts
stable
in one moment
clinically ill
the next

 

nobody will ever understand
for i am utterly confused
grateful
i still feel something
not yet numb
just waiting…
for
death

 

© LRS 2011

 

Sediment July 4, 2011

Chills grow on this flesh
From the cold air of night,
Darks of the rounds
Power through with might,
A faint strumming echoes in the distance
Tickles these ears with promise,
It’s a fight. Fight. Fight.

 

Strong on a day
Filled with gray
Never-ending pleasure in sight,
Coffee grounds
Webbed in between toes
Black, so black it’s light,
Growing with angst
Sleep in this place
Wake up here flawless,
It’s what’s right. Right. Right.

 

© LRS 2011

 

The Blameless April 27, 2011

Mixed up in a world that agrees with nothing I believe.

–

A faceless man with hard breath
Sour and angry
Moves towards me.

–

Mixed up in a world where strangers are closer than family.

–

Shifting one leg over the other
I pull him close to me
Wanting all he has to offer.

–

Mixed up in a world that glorifies instant gratification.

–

My desires
Stronger than my mind
Overwhelms our physical unification.

–

Mixed up in a world that preys on innocent love.

–

He reaches into my mouth
Goes straight for my heart; grips fiercely,
Yanking it from my chest.

–

Mixed up in a world where fighting prevails.

–

Entranced by his allure
I never say stop
I never once even moan in pain.

–

Mixed up in a world filled with beautiful struggle.

–

I allow him to steal my heart from its safe casing
I watch him steal every ounce of my self
Left feeling used, penniless, cheap.

–

Mixed up in a world, having only myself to blame.

–

© LRS 2011

Unworthy April 25, 2011

On a quest

Searching for happiness within,

I have yet to be capable of loving my self.

This morning I awoke dismayed

Never thin enough

Nice enough

Strong enough

Christian enough

Worth enough to be content with me.

Surrounded by worldly possessions and its keepers,

Struggling to stay focused on Christ,

Today I realized I won’t win this battle.

I cried, screamed,

Begged Jesus to take me home

Free me into the heavens,

Fill my heart with infinite peace.

Tired, frustrated, hurt, and broken…

I gave in.

The pain is too deep

Too often and

Too much for me to bear.

I want out, I confessed,

I have no desire to fight any longer.

Nothing in or of this world is worthy,

Certainly neither am I.

–

© LRS 2011

No Trespassing April 22, 2011

Sick to my stomach
Disgusted to say the least
I will not keep company in your filth.

–

You don’t understand what you’ve lost
What you have chased away.
All that could have been yours
Will go to someone else.
I know you don’t care now,
But someday you will.
I hope then you will make amends,
Rebuild relationships.

–

So easily you threw away
Such precious bonds
Gifts, from God,
Which are not promised to be here when you’re ready,
Selfish boy.

–

You cannot understand the magnitude
Of how you have forever killed a piece of me.
My soul, still connected to yours,
Will always be tainted by your
Vicious attempts to murder my affection.

–

Offered so much,
You violently turned your back on us.
Overpowered by self-hate,
You denied yourself a chance at real relationships
Outside of your selfish desires.

–

Consumed by the past
Haunted by loveless beings
You fought against the wrong force.
Pressed hard, away from love,
Instead of protecting yourself from thieves
Nagging at your soul.
You gave in, gave up, put up no fight.
With each passing day,
You allowed them to steal love from your grasp.

–

Refusing to see what you see
You cannot learn what is quite obvious.
Your doubt and hate
Keep you from experiencing our love.

–

I’m out. I’m done.
My heart is closed.
If you change your ways
I may allow you another glance.
Until then,
Keep Out.

–

© LRS 2011

Beautiful Liar March 28, 2011

Skilled
At what you do
Years in production
Practice doesn’t make perfect
You are a natural.
Little of your effort
It takes
To master this art.
Not much forethought
Goes into preparation
A true talent
That has become you.

–

Dark eyes
An honest smile
Young and overlooked
Who was your first?
Did they see you?
Were your skills valued?
Perhaps they were
Too self-absorbed
Too ignorant
To cherish your special gift.

–

I realized
Rather quickly
You chose me
To receive your truth
I never had a chance.
To escape your passion
Meant
Turning my back
On myself
Something you knew
I would never do.

–

You held on tight
Called out to me
Knowing I was listening
Waiting for your world
To become
My own.
When you reached
For my hand
There was no going back.
I agreed
To take that trip
With you
Promised
It wasn’t fantasy
I knew the reality.
You undressed me
With your words
You borrowed my spirit
Made all the right plays.
Outside of myself
I watched you
You led the orchestra
Of my heart
Into a symphony
Of cohesive harmonies.

–

Accepting this you
Is foolish of me
I know your art
Will always be
Your first love.
A willing victim
Living in your castle
I believe you
Killing myself
One word at a time.
I sacrifice
For the better of you
Someday you’ll see
I gave you strength
It was me
Who empowered you
I’ll take your shame
Discharge your guilt
Onto my shoulders.
Continue to build
Your character of talent
Fine tune your masterpiece
Together we’ll live
In your vision
Me
An enthusiast
You
A beautiful liar.

–

© LRS 2011

Never Alone March 3, 2011

Woke up this morning
Sat down to write,
Never intended
To take part in this fight.

–

My heart full of noise
My mind blank,
Nothing to say
Dreaming awake.

–

Void of inspiration
No love story to tell,
Caught off guard
I slipped and fell.

–

Growing in spurts
One day at a time,
Taking care of myself
“Everything will be fine.”

–

Motivated by loved ones
To do my best,
I’ll stand on solid ground
Let God handle the rest.

–

Realizing my potential
With each temptation I resist,
In a moment of weakness
I found all I had missed.

–

Alone? Not now
Never shall I be,
Given another chance
My love won’t be free.

–

Counting the days
Until I feel alive again,
Focused and driven
In the end, I will win.

–

© LRS 2011